My Mirror Hates Me

My name is Candy, and sadly it fits. I am obese and everyone knows it. Each morning before school, I look at myself in the mirror, and I see the fat, how it budges out and shakes when I move. Each day I try on my goal jeans, not there yet. Yeah I am on a diet. I drink a lot of water, vegetables, no carbs, but it doesn’t work. I am still fat. Always have been probably always will be. I pick up a magazine and look at the girl on the cover.

How do you do it?

I know exercise is the key, but I am too tired for it anymore. Too tired for much of anything. I go to school, come home eat and go to bed.

My mirror hates me.

I hate it too.

I walk to the bus stop, and there is a girl, Jessica, we are kind of friends. Except she has the perfect body and I am her chubby friend. I hate her too. Not in the I wish she were dead kind of way, I just wish someone would give her a pizza and put a gun to her head. Eat or Die!

“Did you eat Breakfast, Candy?” Damn I hate the sound of that.

“Of course,” Water, and a vitamin. Breakfast of champions.

The bus gets to school on time, but like always Jessica wants to go and grab a yogurt and an apple. She grabs a second apple and when we sit down she hands it to me. “Here eat this I love the apples here.” She doesn’t realize how hard it is for an obese person to turn down food, it’s like asking a recovering alcoholic if they would like a shot of whiskey. It would have the same affect, a visit to the bathroom with my face in a place it was never meant to be.

“I don’t feel so well, I think my morning breakfast burrito was a little too spicy.” I lie. “I will eat it after first period.”

John Walker, Jr. walks up to the table and sits next to Jessica; they really are a cute couple. I thought one day he liked me. The day he said, “Hey girl are you losing weight?”

But it was a lie. I hear he calls me mental chick behind my back. I smile at him. He ignores me. Ugly fat me.

Later the three of us walk out together; Jess and John are wrapped up in each other, physically and mentally. I walk beside them. Going out the door I drop the apple in the trash can.

School is good, for school, up to Physical Education. I hate P.E. and most of the time I just stand in the back of the volleyball area, looking lost. I can’t move fast enough to catch the ball and bounce it back. I used to but not anymore. I must be getting worse.

Stupid diet isn’t working at all.

The ball comes at my face, I try to dodge and block it, but my motions are sluggish and it connects squarely with my face. It knocks me to the ground, where I strike my head against the hard wood gym floor. Crack.

I wake up later at the hospital, my mother and father are standing there. My mom holds my hand, but she is looking at the tall woman in the white jacket, holding a little tablet computer.

“Your daughter is 40 pounds under healthy weight. This is actually a life threatening condition. Her body can’t take any kind of physical stress or trauma. We have to keep her here; it’s her best chance of surviving.”

The doctor doesn’t know what she is talking about. I am obese and everyone knows it. My eyes gloss as everything goes black.

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